The things I forgot

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I have not come back to write. I have been watching some Netflix shows, some Hulu shows and I have been thinking so much afterwards. Perhaps I am watching things that my mind tells me I should watch because they help me confront my fears. Don’t think I am watching too much drama, but mostly. I do choose some romance or comedies here and there. After all, I am a forever romantic woman, no matter the chaos I have found myself into sometimes. I have not stopped believing in love and the fantasies that convey to be in love. Being in love has to be one of my deep searches in life; one of my main goals. I have tried and failed multiple times and even though I keep believing. It must be a resilient heart I have, who knows. Made of different matter. I have reconciled myself with the universe and I still believe I am from another planet, but I have not figure out from which one. The bottom line is, I have been trying to see my fears on the TV screen. I want to find a way to be able to recover my memories. The ones I blocked to save myself from suffering. I want to be able to speak about my story to anyone without ending up crying and sobbing like a child. I want to continue growing my soul and stay firm without having fluctuating emotions inside me. I want to remember what I forgot.

I am writing this because you are my family. But you are the family of readers that don’t know me. I think the best advices I have gotten in my life came from unbiased people. Random strangers that did not judge me nor had prejudices before giving an unwanted opinion. My life has been a turmoil of disappointments. So many unjustified tears. I lost my balance many times, but poetry saved me. I wrote so much. In my worst times instead of crying, I would cry on paper while writing poetry. This genre I discovered at a very young age save me. Prepared me to fix my soul little by little. I wrote my feelings and never went back to read what I wrote. But now, my mind is telling me to remember. To go back to my old poems and remember because is the only way that I would recover myself. Is that possible? I don’t know. But I am a woman that follows her heart more than anything. I learned to follow my brain and lock the bad memories somewhere and I want to find those because I think once I find them, I could end up getting stronger and I would start my healing process. I won’t deny I have been…